I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling buildings with a trusty Canon in hand. I write award winning operas and translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I can pilot a bicycle up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I can cook two minute eggs in less than a minute. I have been known to remodel subway stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat dispersion.
Occasionally, I trade ribald jests with heads of state. I have worked tirelessly in Adobe Photoshop since 1991. I am an expert in image retouching, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Brazil. I breed prize-winning clams. I often pay my bills on time, I only perspire when asleep.
I prefer digital to film, however I don't believe either to be superior. I wrote and produced a film for Paris Hilton, and refused to have sex with her. Using only a hoe and a glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from an attack of ferocious army ants. I can read ancient Egyptian manuscripts in the original Sanskrit. I think that flash photography is dishonest, but sometimes necessary.
For years, I edited my photos on a rapidly failing P.C. I built with my own hands until it's demise. I am an abstract sculptor, a master archer, and a ruthless bookie. I once met the Dali Llama and unknowingly offered him a bite of my hot dog. I own most of Kevin Gilbert’s early 80’s recordings and periodically annoy my neighbors by playing them at high volume. I sleep only fifteen minutes a night and I do so standing up.
It is not true that I performed covert operations for the CIA.
I think Peter Gabriel was a brilliant artist until he underwent EST training. I am an unselfish lover, an investor in the Chinese stock market, a rabble rousing activist, and an inspiration to freedom fighters everywhere.
My father was a stand up comic and a Photographer, my mother, a Jazz singer and painter. Children trust me quickly. I can use electronic devices without ever reading the manual. I own neither a playstation, or a snowboard. I was the bass player and founding member of the band - Larger Than Life in the early 90's.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a spatula and a toaster oven. I get Monty Python. I firmly believe The Beatles were the greatest band EVER, and once met Francis Ford Coppola.
I got my first camera when I was 10.
~Gregory Ivan Allen - GIA Photo.
